A moment from my life

Woman A has resigned

The conversation between Woman A and Woman B – ( They are not close friends just colleagues )

Woman B ( 26-year-old ): So, what are your future plans?

Woman A ( 37-year-old ): As of now, nothing. Let me take a break

Woman B: Any plans of settling down?

Woman A: Of course

Woman B: Did you tell your parents?

Woman A ( a bit reluctant to answer every question): hmm….I should

Woman B: Have you not told them, yet?

Woman A: hmm…I need a break ( not want to answer further )

Woman B: How older is he to you?

Woman A ( counts and says ): 10

Woman B: So!! Why didn’t he marry?

Woman A ( irked by the Woman B’s audacity) says: There are certain things which I don’t want to speak.

Woman B: I just want to know …Is it the same reason as yours that he did not get married?

( ‘Damn! I never knew there existed a specific reason that I should not get married all these years’ thought Woman A )

Woman A: There are certain things which I don’t want to speak.

Woman B: You just say ‘ Yes’ or ‘No’

Woman A: I can’t say either ‘ Yes’ or ‘ No’

Woman B: Don’t delay. It’s tough to have babies once you cross a specific age.

( PS: Woman B is 26 years old and she got married at the age 24. For the past three years, they have been trying for a baby )

Read similar story :When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

 

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That House!!!

 

That house added a new chapter in my life. But that was not my house

There was a tree in front of it. Someone would always hang a small garbage bag on it and there was another one with a few dry leaves here and there, on the opposite side of the road.
 It reminded me of Samuel Beckett’s ‘Waiting for Godot’ where Vladimir and Estragon waited endlessly for someone named Godot. Their unending wait was portrayed by a tree full of leaves slowly transforming into one with a few.

I wanted to touch those trees [the trees in front of that house 🙂 ] but forgot to do so. There was a flat nearby and on its walls grew the creepers, which set a perfect background for a romantic tryst.
The street used to be deserted. Pigs, cows and bulls roamed freely. Occasionally, you could see some people taking a minute to bow and touch those cows and bulls in reverence. The bulls’ horns were too sharp that I would wonder what they would do if the animals went berserk. 

From the street where ‘that’ house stood, take a few turns left and right, and then you would arrive at a main road with an array of activities – street vendors, shops, people, Paani Puri waalahs’, a temple, a women selling flowers in front of it etc etc.

 But ‘the house’ was not mine.

Interestingly, everything surrounding it had left an indelible impression on me. Perhaps, that house would be the first one in my life which absorbed only my pleasant precious moments. It might have wanted to take in some of my agonies but I had none to offer at that point of time.

I would not disclose what those moments were or whose house was that but to share a realization that you did not have to make something your own to love it and cherish it.

Pic Courtesy: http://kronikak.hu/?m=201303 / Google

RIP Uncle

 

Sometimes dead can teach you a lot than the living. 

My uncle died a few weeks ago. His demise came as a shock to all of us. He was not that old. No afflictions were ailing him. I was informed of his death about 4 am in the morning. He passed away at 3 am. As I was working in another district and it was early morning, I had to wait a few hours before I boarded a bus to his place. He was my father’s second brother – in – law.

 

Out of the three uncles ( aunts’ husbands), I liked him the most. It has been more than 20 years since we were drifted away from my father’s family. Now we are on talking terms. But the ties are not so strong. A gap of 20 years had already done the damage.

 

He married my aunt when I was about 6 or 7 years old. Memories about him were all pleasant- a calm and collected man who brings us, children, sweet smelling perfumes from Dubai. Last time, when I saw him, I could sense that he was shrunk – both mentally and physically. But the smile which he always had for us did not fade from his face.

 

When I met him last, alive he was holding a glass of Johnnie Walker with his eyes lowered. Surprisingly, the smile lingered. ‘Helplessness’ was written all over his face. Something was gnawing at him. I still do not know what was it? I now regret that I never asked him, about it? I should have. He would have responded to me.

 

Uncle’s funeral was scheduled at 11.30 am. I reached there at 9 am. There was no ranting or raving. His wife was sitting a bit far away from him ( I do not want to describe him as a body ). Some of the relatives were sitting in a corner talking about many other things as if nothing happened. I could hardly see tears welling down in any of the eyes watching him. He lay there unwanted. He deserved much better for he was a good man. If anything to dread in this life, it is this isolation.

But his face seemed unusually calm. It felt as if his loneliness and helplessness finally ended. I am happy that his end came without troubling him much. It might be the fruit for all those helplessness and loneliness. He developed a cough and was brought to the hospital when it intensified. But the doctors said he was brought dead.

RIP uncle…

 

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears and it’s so true. Your teacher can appear before you in myriad forms – like people, unfavourable circumstances, enemies, friends in disguise etc. etc. The change happens when we become ready to adapt.

Sometimes, I wonder is it that ‘moment when you decide to adapt’ is the real teacher? Maybe you are both – the teacher and the student. And the external factors which I mentioned above are just add-ons that supplement the teacher – student relationship which co-exists in your heart.

Whatever it is, I think that part of your heart/mind needs a lot of encouragement for you are unloading every detail which you have garnered over the years and stored in your heart as precious pearls. Once you unload, there’s a huge chance that you can stand empty. But still, that part of your heart is ready to take that risk. And I think that’s chivalrous.

It is always better to shut yourself once in a while from all the chaos outside. The opinions and commentaries on anything and everything are pouring in from nook and cranny that it can destroy the ability to think for yourselves. One small attempt to listen to our heart can change the world immensely.

The greatest tragedy of our time is that we have stopped thinking for ourselves.

We think for others.

We live for others.

My worst nightmare is to stand in a no man’s land where I can’t hear myself even if I strain my ears to listen to my heart.
pic courtesy : https://in.pinterest.com/pin/60235713741579716/

” Tell me, whether you had such meaningful dreams. I am all ears “

Read similar story : Can you interpret my dream?

Can you interpret my dream?

I was just thinking of a dream, I had many years ago. I might have been 21 or 22 and was going through a rough phase, then. I did not know where to look for help. It was then I had this dream.

I could see two mountains separated by a deep gorge. There’s a long queue of people waiting to jump and get to the other side. The queue felt like infinity. I still remember the word ‘ infinity’ when I woke up from my dream. Still, I could see me standing at the end of the queue. Though people were jumping, none could reach the other mountain as two gargantuan  snakes – A Cobra and a Python flying from deep inside the gorge and biting the feet of every men when they reach the middle of the gorge while jumping. They could reach only till the feet of the people who jumped.

Then they fall into the deep abyss.

It repeated with everyone until it was my turn to jump. I wasn’t thinking about anything then. There was no fear, apprehension. I was numb or maybe, stoic. I wasn’t sure except that there was no turbulence going on in my mind. I was ready to jump without thinking twice.

The moment I jumped , the gargantuan snakes, from the belly of the gorge rose above to bit. When I reached the middle of the deep abyss, I did not know what made me split my legs and the snakes could not reach me and I reached the other mountain.

Only, I could reach that mountain.

I was so disturbed when I woke up. You could imagine the impact it made then. Even after all these years, it’s so fresh as if it happened yesterday.

Since I saw two snakes in the dream, I started thinking something inauspicious was going to happen. But one of my friends corrected me saying “ That’s a positive dream. There were hurdles and only you could reach the other mountain. Your heart is giving you signs that you are going to succeed.”

And that changed the way, I started looking at life.

For many long years, I struggled and worked hard like a log. After nine years of doing many odd jobs, I landed in a job I liked the most.  

After five years, I started again being restless. I could not be complacent anymore. My heart started telling that it’s time you prepare yourself to make the next big leap.

I do not know when it is going to happen …

Maybe, it’s time for yet another dream…

“ Everyone has ups and downs in their lives. Do you have any motivational stories to share with me and others. I am all ears.”

 

Why did I choose to blog anonymously?

It’s been 10 years since I started blogging. Not even once, did I think of writing my blogs anonymously. Even now, I could not resist the urge to come out in open. But I strongly feel that I should stay anonymous for quite some time. Why? Because I just want to know more about myself.

What do you do when you feel that you are utterly confused and stuck? Sometimes, you talk it out to your best friend/friends. There’s has been a time in my life where I did not have best friends to confide upon. I became my best friend then and this led o me to create a blog where I used to rant and rave. That used to be my ‘safety valve’. I could churn out solutions to so many issues of mine just by scribbling in that blog. And things changed for the better.

But now, things are a little bit bleak and hence, this blog.

And this blog is going to be my diary…

 

WELCOME TO MY LIFE